Have you ever wondered why certain people can withstand the bumps and bruises of life better than others? Why are they hardier? Is there something in their body chemistry or personalities enabling them to weather the worst of lifes storms with a smile on their faces? If you examine the literature pertaining to what makes certain people less susceptible to the damage that can be wrought by rejection or failure, youll find that they have these strengths: (1) They believe the setback is temporary, not permanent. This enables them to move on to their next achievement. (2) They perceive setbacks as impersonal. They dont believe that it was their fault that they didnt succeed. They dont take losses personally, dwelling on the idea that their personality flaws or weak skills caused their misfortunes. (3) They see a silver lining in the darkest clouds. Able to take a gain from their losses, a lesson, or an inspiration, they move on. (4) They dont generalize defeats into larger, more ominous patterns. If they werent invited to the book club discussion group and their kid earned only a C on an exam, they dont tell themselves these episodes mean theyre headed down the drain. (5) They remember wins, and relish them, more than losses. For instance, if they speak before a group and ninety-five percent write positive evaluations, they remember them instead of dwelling on the 5% they didnt reach. Having noted these strengths, the key question is this: Can we develop them if theyre not a part of our makeup? We can, by using affirmations geared to bolstering each one as a belief. We can tell ourselves: (1) All setbacks are temporary, and theyre stepping stones to my inevitable achievement. (2) Sometimes things just dont work out, but its not my fault, because I cant control other people, only my continuing efforts. (3) Every setback has something to teach me or a way to inspire me. Now, what can this one offer me? (4) This setback only pertains to itself, and in innumerable ways, Im still successful, and Ill be even more successful in the future. (5) Im going to praise the good, remembering my wins, and downplay my losses. Ill turn stinging defeats into mild disappointments, without delay. Work on these, and youll become even more resilient! |
