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Main › People & Society › Humor & Fun
 

Expert of Experts: Things HE Didn't Tell Neale About Being God

 

Author: Drew Kittinger

DK: I had one of those serendipity-doo-dah sort of things happen today. I dont really need a lead-in here, do I? I mean, youre already on top of it. Probably sent me the experience yourself.

Believe me, if I had to devise and create all these experiences for every one of you guys, I wouldnt have time to chat! Besides, Im pretty busy being my own creation.

DK: Fine. Anyhow, I was walking down the street, ready to light a cigar and I found I didnt have a light. I walked up to this guy sitting on a stoop and asked him if he had a match. He looked right at me and said, Isnt this weird? I was nowhere and all of a sudden, Pop here I am and youre looking for some flame. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a lighter, saying. and Lo and Behold, heres a lighter in my pocket ready for you. He handed it to me and then said, Thank you so much for creating me. Until you showed up, I didnt even know I was here. Now I have purpose.

Did he ask for a quarter after he suggested you watch re-runs of Joan of Arcadia?

DK: No, as a matter of factwait a minute, youre playing with me!

Good pointIll send you 100 new readers as penance. Anyhow, its more like a part of you thats playing with yourself.

DK: I do that all the time, dont I?

Your glasses couldnt be much thicker.

DK: I didnt mean that!

Neither did I. Really. Does 150 readers sound good as penance?

DK: Make all the snotty comments you like!

Whats the question, now?

DK: The guy said I created him. Thats creepy.

But true. You needed him so much, he came into being.

DK: Is that how it works?

For the most part. Each of you are the center of the Universe, and you create what you need.

DK:Yeah, but if thats true, then him, as being the center of his Universe, created me so I could be the center of my Universe and then create him?

Precisely!

DK: This gets more like Whos On First every round!

Its much more simple than you think. Figuratively, theres nothing that you could experience unless it lived inside you in some way.

DK: You mean, like, even the idea of God is something that lives inside me?

Absolutely. Where was I until you heard about me?

DK: Let me thinkNowhere. You just werent. WOW, never thought that one through before!

And where did I come from?

DK: Some other persons mouth. Probably my Mothers. Wait a minuteMom created you?

The whole idea her idea, societys idea, the Churchs idea -- had to click with you in some way, connect with something inside you or it could never have taken hold. Day by day you built experiences that confirmed what you knew, what youve always known -- who you are.

DK: Who I are!!' I mean AM? I know this'!!

Look at your experience of life. Somehow, from out of nowhere you come into this thing we call a world. It looks like it was there before you got there. Everybody you run into tells you about all the stuff that went down before you arrived. Still, how could anything be happening at all unless you were there to experience it?

DK: So, Youre saying, for all I know -- me, the guy in this skin -- If I werent here, this wouldnt be. Period.

Yes. As far as you are concerned, if anybody else experienced it (meaning anything), it wouldnt matter because you would have to be there to see him or her experiencing it.

DK: WOW! So nobody gets to experience anything without Me!

Yesby all means, bathe in your arrogance a few moments, Drewyou deserve it! Let me ask you a question: Do you think for a second anyones experiencing anything different than you?

DK: Maybe all the nuts and bolts of it look different, but when you put them all together, no, its gotta be the same car comes out of it.

Youre getting much better with that metaphor stuff!

DK: Thanks. Its the language of the heart. I read that somewhere.

So what would be another way to say that so everyone gets included?

DK: Without you, none of this would be; not even me.

Spread the Word!

Author Bio:

Drew Kittinger

Drew Kittinger, ShK (School of hard Knocks) consults consultants who want to consult consultants. This is not as easy as it may seem. Consultants are typically so sure they've got it figured out, they barely listen to themselves, let alone others.

So, he'll settle to be that "still, small voice" for the consulting and entrepreneurial world until someone actually listens to him, follows his instructions, gets rich and then becomes his Patron in which case, he'll shut up and let you get on with your work..

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