Some Native American somewhere once told me that the reason Medicine Men were so crazy was that, How else could they counsel you except that they know the pain of what youre going through. Wait a minutewhat I meant to say was Chief Whipping Horse, pHd of the Chayonne in lower Kansas, in his book, Indiginity on page 469 said that... Actually, were it not for that venerable old Chief, I never would have become the expert I am today. The times I spent with him, in an incredibly un-Western way, put me through all the trials one could ever expect of someone seeking expertise. Can you imagine fourteen days without food and water standing on my head on the top of a water tower praying for a vision of what to be an expert about? Do you think for a second I dont understand the suffering youre going through? I mean, look, I came to this dopey web site hoping someone could teach me how to be taken seriously as an expert. Until this article I had enough rejection letters in my house to turn them into papercrete and lay a foundation for a condominium. Just like you. What I found is no one knows squat so I had to figure it out myself. Have I hooked you yet? And, by the way, heres another free tip: Dont be afraid to throw in a word in passing that no one knows anything about. Just like you and the word papercrete, your targets wont spend a second looking up what it refers to or even wonder if its real. Youll just assume, Hell, hes the expert, it must slop over into lots of things. And not only that, but hes the expert who was humble enough to seek an expert like the Chief. No one wants to think his or her guides always had it figured out. Hell, even Moses had a mentor. Its so important that you make sure people know that at one time you were just as ignorant as them. The more ignorant the better. But its even more important that people believe that you, too, turned to someone else for help. There are so many potential mentors out there its ridiculous. And they are all mentors because they want to be. Why? Because the more mentees they have, the more credibility they have as experts. Catch the cycle? And thats kind of a sub-section of this Concept: Gather a lot of Mentees. And let me tell you another thing. This country is so hooked on perception; somebody with cachet is bound to start using mentees as a word to describe people who seek mentors. Why? Because that expert Drew Kissinger used it so it must be valid. (See how the name choice works for you?) The word sounds right, doesnt it? Three years from now, you just watch, itll be in Funken-Wagnells. But I digress How do you get those mentors? Start writing letters. No e-mails. Real letters, sent by snail mail and with no return e-mail or web site information. Why? You need something back with a signature. Now I wouldnt be an expert if I advised you to do anything illegal. In fact, please, dont do anything illegal, unconscionable or even inconsolable, like make up your own quote and forge an important persons name on to it that was stupid or senile enough to respond. Oh, by the way, you can advance order my book Famous and Powerfully Important Senile People Wholl Write You Back) for $189.00. Even if you know damn well no one who could do you any damage will read your cheap Print-on-Demand book with the persons endorsement on it, get this in your armory anyway. Nobody writes you back? No problem. This takes a little bit more work but its worth it. Go back to Step Two, where you chose your name. Then, find the most exceptional mentors you can find whove written books. Invariably they will mention names, in their texts, of brilliant minds that have helped them along the way and then quote them by first name. Pick your own first name as one that reoccurs through a number of your targeted mentors books, or a first name that appears in a number of articles by different authors and then quote from them as if they were talking about you. Dont forget the Third Step, either. On my book jacket, itd say something like, Look at what people have to say about Drew Drew was forever meddling in affairs of state, needling congressmen to do his bidding, even writing speeches for them to deliver on the floor. Jack Anderson, as quoted in Getting the Scoop by Mark Feldstein. Man...that Drew guy is quite the expert! An important addendum to Simple Concept Number Two is to make sure you choose a first name that is a bit more common than Drew. It took me a good half hour to scare up this quote. Thats much too long for an expert to spend on such nonsense. That leads to another free tip (You're Welcome!): BEFORE you write your own Ten Concepts, try them out first so you don't get stuck like I did, in the middle of my text. |
