Her arms are crossed, so are her legs. She doesn't like you. Or... she has an open posture and is leaning towards you. She likes you! But in reality, body language like this DOESN'T MEAN A THING! So what kind of body language does? Who invented this body language thing anyway? The idea that someone's posture can communicate vital information is appealing. But how accurate is it? Can you really tell from a woman's body language what she feels about you? The first thing I'll say is that I do believe that posture can tell you something. The trouble is however is that so-called 'experts' make up at least half of what they say. So you'll read that crossing of arms and/or legs means that the person is putting up a barrier. Yes it sounds so sensible it must be true. But has this ever been tested in any objective fashion? Well yes, I've tested it. When I first started online dating after my ten-year marriage, I believed everything I had heard about body language. So if a woman crossed her arms during a date, I simply crossed off any possibility of things going somewhere. I didn't even try. But then I wondered whether I was doing the right thing. I decided from that point to completely ignore body language, and do my best to make the date a success, however firmly crossed a woman's arms were, or whatever other negative body language she was displaying. And you know what? Negative body language doesn't mean a thing! A woman can display all sorts of 'signals' that she's not interested, according to body language experts. In reality, she's just making herself comfortable. She might have crossed her arms because she has a twist in her bra strap and it doesn't chafe so much that way. Who knows? It doesn't matter. The only kind of body language you should take notice of is positive body language. And I don't mean simply leaning towards you or 'mirroring' your posture. That means nothing either. No, what I mean is that as you leave the venue of the date, she walks close enough to you for your arms to brush together. She won't do that unless she likes you. Similarly, if at the moment of saying goodnight she stands close enough to you, and head-on rather than turned to the side, it is very likely that she wants you to kiss her. If she didn't want you to kiss her, she would stand further away, or at right angles to you, so as not to give you the chance. And of course if at any time a woman touches you during a date, you are definitely well in there. Outside of the dating arena, women may touch in a non-sexual way that means nothing. But in a date... well why on earth would a woman who doesn't fancy you touch you? Women are not so stupid as to give out signals of that sort unless they mean something. In conclusion, don't pay any attention at all to negative body language. You will be cutting yourself off from opportunities if you do. Positive body language is great. But as I advise on page 143 of my book, 'Online Dating Tips For Men', you should always go for the kiss at the end of a date. If she doesn't want it, she'll just turn her head and it will become a peck on the cheek. You know, body language is an interesting subject. I can imagine that with a proper study, you could learn lots about a person from their posture and actions. But when it comes to dating, there's only one action that is guaranteed to tell you what you want to know... the kiss! |
